Growing up there are constantly new experiences where we realize — or rather, decide — where we stand in relationship to them. We go to school for the first time and we’re either outgoing or shy. We go to ask out parents for a new toy and they either say yes or no (we are, or are not, worthy) — or perhaps they say “we can’t afford that” (we’re abundant or poor). We interact with the opposite sex and discover if we’re confident in approaching, flirting, or bedding — or not. We have such an adventure of experience throughout life, that over time we start to understand where we stand when these events take place again.
Eventually, we all realize there are areas in life where we triumph and excel… or well, get so emotionally worked up we start shaking violently, teeth chatter, and our heart races out of fear.
It’s from this that we realize how little our success has to do with the luck of the gods, and more so from the confidence we carry. Every single area in life can be improved by developing greater confidence in that area. We know that both men and women rate confidence as a sexy trait in the opposite sex. We know that job applicants who are more confident get better results from interviews. We know that generally speaking, the more confident we can become, the better results in getting what we want in life we’ll have.
Naturally, people that care the least bit about their lives, look for ways to build their confidence!
I work with many people to naturally build their confidence as a coach, and have many accelerated ways to do this on a permanent level. Learning from them, and in my own journey to develop confidence in many areas of life, I’ve noticed that there’s two “places” — or frames of reference — where one can build confidence from:
- Competence (knowing)
- Compensation (lack)
As somebody becomes more confident, one way they can develop it is from learning, growing, improving, experiencing, and knowing more about a particular topic — thus their confidence around it improves naturally. The more skills you enjoy investing the time and energy into mastering, the more competence‐based confidence you will create. If you want more of this confidence, learn to invest in yourself now.
While self‐steem and other factors can take somebody who’s ridiculously competent at playing the guitar to somebody who doesn’t think he’s good enough to play in front of his friends, usually developing confidence comes along with developing a skill (and I would even go to say he’s confident in playing the guitar, just not confident playing guitar in front of an audience).
The other way somebody builds or shows confidence, is because they are trying to compensate for something. They either don’t have the skills, the experience, the insights, the permission, or the esteem, etc., and are building confidence in order to succeed regardless. This isn’t a bad thing — being able to be confident even if you’re afraid, unprepared, or outmatched is very advantageous. Sometimes being confident even though you have no earthly idea what you’re doing is enough to succeed right then and there.
The other day I had a fascinating epiphany about the correlation between being a powerful alpha male/masculinity and being vulnerable. It actually reminded me of my foray into doing Polyman TV videos, and my second episode on “A Lesson in Vulnerability”. This aspect, being the tender and less glamourous side of the masculine discussion, rarely gets any attention — but I believe it has some incredible value.
When I shared this idea with a few friends they were baffled on how such a contradiction could possibly have any weight… after all, the big strong masculine figures appear to be anything BUT vulnerable. As I explained it further, all the lights bulbs started going on like a string of Christmas tree lights finally untangled. The reason for their initial confusion it seemed, is that most of us tend to equate “vulnerability” to “weakness”.
First off, let’s take a look at the definitions and clear this up:
- vulnerable – susceptible to physical or emotional attack or harm.
- weakness – the state or condition of lacking strength.
As you can see, they are totally different. Keep this in mind as I talk about being vulnerable, because it has nothing to do with being weak, and in fact, everything to do with strength. I digress, back to my initial realization.
If we take a look at natural indicators of “alpha” status, of powerful males, we see many postures and positions that are not only vulnerable, but so vulnerable that they risk harm, outcast, or even death. Some of these positions or indications that tend to correlate to high masculinity or status are:
- Chest out; exposed
- Head up & neck back; exposed
- Hips & pelvis forward
- Head of the line/leading/leadership roles; exposed, first in the line of danger, and well‐know as an easy target, also, vulnerable to losing the most status, power, and respect.
- The testicles, symbol and organ of masculinity; hanging, overtly exposed and vulnerable
- Warrior/responder (first‐aid, firemen, etc); vulnerable to attacks, injury, and death
You can see that most positions of status are actually very vulnerable positions, rather than safe, hidden ones. Imagine low status/neutered positions: your everyday janitors, paperboys, librarians, programmers, personal assistants, office workers, etc. Those roles don’t typically scream strong primal masculinity do they? No, they don’t. You can imagine a programmer hunched over at his computer, walking around slouched with his head down chest in, all closed off in protective mode from the dangers of society. He’s for the most part, putting himself into a safe and unexposed to threats (or at least that’s the attempt from posturing – chances are it actually puts off a prey vibe).
Most people in the world are under the spell of a dualistic world: good vs evil, right vs wrong, light vs dark, male vs female, etc. While this way of thinking makes for incredible stories and evokes powerful responses, seeing the world and all experiences through this filter causes much suffering for most of humanity due to the consistent reinforcement from the media, religions, and political systems.
The people who see past this are often on a spiritual path, and recognize oneness — the idea that we are all inherently one or part of the same origin, and we are simply experiencing an illusion of separateness. Also note, that modern science is also beginning to share this idea on an energetic quantum level.
This truth that we are all inherently one is wonderful. It creates so much peace, acceptance, and harmony upon the world and in those whom can see the universe through this model. It is a very high level of spiritual development and understanding of the nature of the universe. Many spiritual teachers on the forefront are spreading this message and having profound effects in the lives of people from all walks of life.
However, in this teaching I’ve noticed a bastardization of duality by a lot of its subscribers. That oneness is the only truth and that duality isn’t real of useful… almost that it’s the wrong way to see the world. Which, ironically, is a dualistic view. I don’t think we should be throwing the duality baby out with the dirty cosmic water — as there’s nothing wrong with it in the correct context. That’s the key: context.
There’s incredible power in being able to see the same situation from different frames of reference, especially paradoxes like this. It allows incredible flexibility in solving problems and relating to situations when two opposing – yet both valid – perceptions can be juggled in a person’s mind. Read More Now »
Remember when Facebook introduced the “like” button? Long time ago, aye. Do you remember the masses throwing a fit because there was no equivalent “dislike” button… or have you ever wondered that yourself — why there’s only a “like” button? Well, regardless of their political ties, business practices, or success, this little feature of Facebook (or lake thereof) holds one of the most powerful keys to your own success and happiness.
If you’re not familiar with Facebook or the like button (where have you been and how did you even get here?!), it’s basically a little thumbs‐up button that a user can click to publicly indicate that they, well — like — that post, image, video, etc. In essence, the more “likes” a post has, the more popular it becomes and the more attention it inherently gets. Not only that, but based on what you liked and the friends you have, you are also presented with more content similar to them.
So, what does this have to do with you and your happiness? A lot. Whether Facebook realizes it or not, they are utilizing the Law of Attraction en masse. Even though it’s really for advertisers to target their market better, the customers very well shall receive more relevant content (like attracts like). See, every single successful person that shares their secrets will tell you that you need to focus on what you do want, rather then what you don’t. That like attracts like, and energy flows where attention goes.
When you like something on Facebook (talk/focus about what you DO want), Facebook uses it’s algorithms to determine what ads/content to show you (Law of Attraction simply aligns you with matching vibrations/thoughts/feelings), and the advertisers (The Universe, God, chaos theory, nature, etc) deliver you the relevant information when you browse the site (take action from alignment) and you receive the desired posts (manifestations). If you were to only “unlike” things, then Facebook would be delivering other posts that simply match those instead, but ones that would be totally uninteresting to you.
Law of Attraction works the same way – except much, much, much more sophisticated and powerful. It’s real, and is literally working behind the scenes in your life on both digital and energetic levels.
The more you focus on and feel what you want, the more momentum you have behind it, the more often you get results that reflect that in your day to day life. Just imagine on Facebook – where if you have 40 different likes about football, sports, BBQs, jerseys, etc., you’re much more likely to see posts/ads about free tickets to a sporting game than you are to a ballerina recital.
Now see how you’ve been applying this to life. Most of us are doing much more ‘dislike’ing in real life. We are saying “I don’t want this”, “this sucks”, “I don’t like being sick”, “I hate this”, etc. This will, given what I’ve just shared, bring more of those similar flavored experiences into our lives. Even if you were to tell Facebook “like” on “Men Against Potatoes”, “Anti‐Spud Group”, “Down With Mashed Potatoes”, “I Hate Root Veggies” pages, you will see more related content about what you hate and don’t want any of (obviously, potatoes) even though you “liked” things against it. You’re still giving attention to what you don’t want, you vote “yes” for it all — both what you do and don’t want — when you focus or “like” it.
This is why the “war on drugs”, “war on cancer”, “anti‐war protests” are long‐term failures. They’re focusing on negative things. Imagine the media headlines alone if instead they were “quest for only safe state‐altering substances”, “mission towards health and vitality”, and “peace rallies”. If you’ve noticed, the news never runs out of negative things to report on.
As you take these realizations with you – imagine if you were to simply shift from “dislike“ing in real life all the things you didn’t want, and instead started only “liking” the things you wanted more of – how your experiences would dramatically shift to those you truly do want.
Try it on for a day or week or month, and just “like” the things you want more of and let me know how it goes in a comment below!
I have recently noticed that as I pay more attention and allow myself to be as honest as possible (not always easy), that every time I judge (or feel the urge to) somebody of their looks, place in life, words, beliefs, etc. – I’m always at a place in my life around a similar thing that I’m not myself happy with. This “place in life” could be my finances, relationships, unwanted behaviors, lack of skill, or simply my current mood and outlook on a particular thing at that moment. The aspect I want to judge or make fun of is a part of me that I’m not in resonance with — for if I was, it would be a non‐issue. I wouldn’t even notice.
For example, if I hear somebody singing out of key or poorly, I have an emotional reaction that triggers me to want to judge their singing or think something not so supportive in my head. Why? Because my vocal abilities are not up to my own standards. For if they were, or if I didn’t give two shits about my voice, I wouldn’t have even notice – let alone have some sort of “reaction” to it… but I’m taking vocal lessons, so that subject is “active”.
Take another example: I have a friend who’s kind of cheap. Okay, who cares right? Well, I noticed a reoccurring theme about commenting on it, and realized it wasn’t his cheapness that really bothered me. See, in my journey to become more abundant, there are times when I have to be more cheap than I need to be. (It’s funny, I meant to say “want to be”, but seems my unconscious mind is telling me something, but I digress). So when I see somebody not being abundant as I think they should be (judging already!) and want to judge it, it’s because I’m not able to act as abundant as I would like – hence a discord inside of me.
In both of these examples, my feelings towards the other person actually had nothing to do with the other person — they were simply mirrors of my own unhappiness.
This applies to many areas of life; the concept of perception is projection. This simply means that what we perceive in others, is only a projection of what’s inside of us. The love you see between a mother and child, is the same love that exists inside of you. The same hate expressed in violent crimes you witness, is also the hate that stirs inside of you at some level. It also happens to fit into the Law of Attraction as well, as I don’t experience many hateful or violent people in my life, simply because I have done a lot of work to resolve those aspects inside of myself. The potentials exist, sure, but I see more of the goodness in others because I feel much more goodness in my own self.
Some retort and say the opposite is true, but that places everyone into a state of disempowerment and victimhood, which leaves us pretty much helpless to change our lives. Since I have adopted these ideas and have only seen massive tangible improvements in mine and many client’s lives, I can only see it from a place of taking responsibility for how we see others and feel — because we can’t change anything about anyone else. If your happiness depends on this person not being fat or these people not being at war or this group worshiping that god – you’re going to be pretty miserable, and chances are impose that misery on many others. But if your happiness depends on things you can control — like your own actions, beliefs, and the way you feel no matter who you’re looking at — your chances are exponentially greater of attaining bliss‐on‐demand.
I invite you to take a look at your own life and your own reflection next time you judge somebody. Not place guilt or make you feel bad (and judging yourself now!), but to simply bring awareness to an aspect of yourself that’s gone unloved. This will take the deepest amount of honesty, and yes — vulnerability and self‐love — to admit, and it seems us humans are quite good at tricking ourselves into denial in order to protect us from facing truths that hurt. Really hurt. Your chronic judgments, or downright hatred of others, stems from an aspect of yourself that’s out of alignment with who you really are.
Before we can accept accpects of others – let alone people or cultures as a whole – we must be able to accept that in ourselves. This goes as specific and small as an annoying trait, to as grand and vague as humanity, culture, and existence.
What we wish to seek peace with in the world, we must first come to peace with in ourselves.
This is one my most darkest and vulnerable posts I’ve ever written. It exposes all of my current flaws and failures that I’m afraid to even admit, even though I know better. This is obviously a once or twice in a lifetime post, as the issues I’m about to share pale in comparison to all the good things going on in my life. But it’s not always roses, unicorns, rainbows, lolcats, and fluffypuffs – and any “guru”, coach, or writer that paints a picture otherwise is lying. While I believe we should spend most of our energy on the positive and that we don’t have to struggle, we still at times need to shine that light to deal with the dark instead of unconsciously resisting it or letting it take us down a dark spiral. So here I go.
Sitting here in what I awkwardly call “my neighborhood” Starbucks, using the free WiFi and electricity because the garage I sleep in only powers on during the night, I’m wondering how the hell I do it (on a side note, I do make it fun by yelling “Welcome to Jurassic Park!” every time the “generators” come back on). How can I be living out of my car for 5 months, eating out only because I have no kitchen to prepare food, going to the beach simply because they have public showers, and having no stable source of income — and (apparently) live a more optimistic, happy, and productive life than most?
Don’t get me wrong, there’s still my dark moments. Like now. Not nearly as many as most (only because I’ve worked my ass off to heal and learn from them), but because I’ve allowed myself to become aware and deal with them, their effects feel a lot harder since the contrast in my life is greater. If everyday you see in shades of blue, and something dark blue showed up, it wouldn’t be great, but it wouldn’t cause a fuss. But if you’re seeing shades of white (what?) and all of a sudden something dark blue shows up, it’s like “HELLO! I’M HERE! DEAL WITH ME NOW!”.
Let’s just dive right into some thoughts that, I may or not really believe, but still cross my mind:
- How can I have started an online business in under a month for less than $200 while being homeless?
- How did I start ANOTHER new project and website, interviewing top sex experts and sharing hours and hours of valuable FREE content with thousands of listeners on a featured podcast in iTunes being a ‘nobody’?
- How have I managed to inspire hundreds of people on Facebook when my only life is apparently a wreak?
- How the fuck am I so happy for somebody that is urinating in empty water bottles, sleeping on concrete in a sleeping bag (“upgraded” from my driver’s seat!), and showering in front of the entire beach?
- Why do I feel fear come up as I literally write this line to share this with the world?
- Why do I also feel like a complete disaster when it’s obvious I have so much abundance, even being homeless?
- Why, after understanding dating, sex, relationships, and amazing self wisdom for over 7 years, doing massive inner work (literally hundreds of thousands of hours and dollars), being physically attractive enough to model, having a book coming out ON sex that has already received an abundance of praise, living in a cornucopia of beautiful women, having a purpose, path, and mission doing great things in the world, and a host of other reasons why I think I’m one of the most eligible bachelors in the world – that I’m unable to meet a relatively decent (or even indecent at this point) woman to date this past year?
- What if sharing this will seal my fate and be a massive turn‐off to any potential clients or lovers down the road to be this honest and vulnerable? Will showing that I’m not having anything near the success I want now make me “lower status” or less valuable/attractive to the people that may see me as a potential friend, lover, or coach?
- How can I even get clients to pay me — that I know without a doubt that I can (and have many times) change their lives — if they know (or even because I am), homeless, broke, and not massively successful?
- Am I saying all of this for pity or even for help? Is this therapeutic or just keeping the resistant vibrations active?
- Am I fooling myself by thinking that I’m actually on the right path?
- What the fuck am I missing?
- Is anybody even going to read this? Will somebody get value or snap out of their victimhood and improve their lives from me exposing this?
- I don’t feel like I’m failing at all, but my manifestations aren’t showing many signs of massive shifts, and it causes doubts to creep in once in a while. I know this is just the dip in valley, and I’m on the rise up.
These are my honest to god thoughts and feelings when I get into “down mode” (which I obvious am on now writing this). This happens maybe two or three days a month, all other days I’m literally saying and feeling “Best Day Ever!” and am optimistic and feeling great… which I think for being broke & homeless is remarkable if I do say so myself. In a weird way that helps me keep going, knowing that for somebody in the situations I’ve been in, how many times I’ve been knocked down, I’m doing pretty damn good. I’ve never been on welfare, food stamps, unemployment or anything — I’m doing this all by my own will.
And actually, some of these things has some pretty cool side benefits that I wouldn’t have done if I had a real house, like swimming in the ocean and humbling myself by doing things I thought I was “too good for”.
I sometimes wonder though, what keeps me going? Why I don’t just give up and get with the “real world”, get a “real” job, keep my head down and obey, and realize my dreams of become ridiculously wealthy (in all forms), famous, dating holistic super models, NY Times #1 Best Selling Author, having an amazing body, and ultimately changing and empowering the world – should be delayed or given up on at all?
In this video I talk about the lie of scarcity. The illusion of scarcity is used to keep the masses in fear, thus more easily controlled and manipulated. The truth is, it doesn’t really exist. If you think it does, that’s because it only exists because you believe it, which in turn, causes you to find the evidence in your life to support that, causing you to live a life lack and scarcity.
This is not the truth. We live in an abundant universe — so far, infinite. Since we are creators and creation happens after a simple thought, and we don’t run out of those, we can always create. The ability to create allows us to come up with solutions to a perceived scarcity, as we have been doing for thousands of years. We’re still here, and we can continue to live in abundance if we allow ourselves to see the world in that light.
This is also the last video of the first run of Polyman TV originally filmed earlier this year. Hope you enjoyed that video experiment!
What’s the best investment you could ever make? Real estate? Cars? Stocks? Gold? Strippers? None of the above (well, maybe that last one). The best investment has nothing to do with what goes on in the world. In this video i describe what an asset and an expense is, and the true best investment that will provide the best ROI to you. This is not financial advice, this is life advice. All the billionaires and leaders of the world will say the same thing… maybe you should listen.
Leave a comment below and tell me what you’ve done recently that’s been your best investment!
In this video, I talk about the difference between gratitude and appreciation. Wait, aren’t they basically the same thing?! Mostly, yes. But there is a difference, and it could be just the difference that pushes you over the top on feeling great and releasing your old stories. While both super high vibration feelings, appreciation is just a tad bit higher, or more pure.
Watch this video now to learn why! Be sure to tell me what you think in the comments below, and esp what you appreciate in your life.
In this video, I share a perspective and metaphor on how to deal with being in a relationship with somebody else who’s on difference “levels” as you. The key focus is to not look for the same place of growth, but the same pace of growth. Find somebody who’s growing at a similar pace as you, rather than trying to find somebody who’s on the same level as you in all areas of life.