Are you really asking for advice from the peanut gallery?

Are you really asking for advice from the peanut gallery?

People think I’m arrogant or pompous when I say I really don’t care about most of your opinions about what I’m doing – or about anything really. Yes, that’s blunt; but no, it’s not rude. The truth is, most people on social media or any form of commentary usually ask for other’s opinions for validation or to get them engaged. These are valid reasons, but realize it’s not because they actually care what you think. If you want to be happy and successful, you need to stop caring as well.

Ego Check

The first step is to check in with your ego. Make sure you’re not asking for others’ opinions to validate you or to seek an argument. Along with this, check to see how emotionally fired up about this you are. Chances are they aren’t happy emotions. Engaging in the opinions of random people about a topic your self-esteem, ego, and happiness is tied to is a recipe for disaster.

Just like news pundants who are strategically placed to cause emotional reactions in the viewer, evoking opinions out of a mass of people is a sure way to create chaos, confrontation, and debate – which are completely useless in solving anything and ego-driven. Often times, people see their opinion as “the truth”, and attempt to coerce others into seeing things their way, for no other reason but to make them more comfortable with their own beliefs.

Want proof? Take a look at almost any popular YouTube video or news blog comments section and 98% of it is a massive waste of energy – and that’s just reading them. Almost every single time I finish, I say “I can’t believe I just wasted 10 minutes of my life reading this crap” and I’m usually more upset after doing so.

Reason For Asking

Next, figure out if you’re just looking for an opinion or are actually seeking advice and feedback.

I’m making a distinction between “opinion” and “feedback”, where the later is getting constructive input on a solution you’re developing. This is smart to do, as an outside perspective can give you amazing insights. It still has a caveat, in that you must be steadfast in yourself already, and be able to discern between valid feedback and opinion. If opinion, it should be clear that it’s really just about the ego, and you should forget about it.

How many level-headed movie stars, athletes, or famous musicians do you know actually care about their fan’s or anti-fan’s opinions of them? Worrying about others’ opinions prevents you from having your own authentic opinion, which is vital to making decisions based on your own path. Get feedback from the right people, forget about opinions.

Who Do You Listen To?

The sad truth is that the mass majority of people have completely valid, yet ignorant opinions. These are usually emotionally fueled and are projected through filters of fear, scarcity, resentment, and limiting beliefs. Listening to these ideas yourself will only pull you down.

So, then, who do you listen to?

People that have what you want, and only about those things.

Would you ask a plumber how to be a writer? Or a buddy who’s miserable and alone how to date great women? Would you ask a janitor how to become a CEO?

No. This doesn’t make sense.

If somebody’s an average person, they have average friends. If they wanted to know how to be exceptional and asked their pals how to do it, they’d probably get a lot of opinions on how. Or maybe not. They would probably get emotional responses on why being mediocre is just fine, and that only evil people want to do great things with their lives. Listening to them would be foolish… but that’s what most of us do. We adopt beliefs, mindsets, strategies, and behaviors from people that don’t really have what we want in life, and somehow expect that to get us there.

It just doesn’t work that way. You need to find people that already have what you want, as it then it’s a fact in their reality rather than just opinion. Maybe it won’t work for everybody, but it has worked.

If you want to learn how to have incredible sex and connect deeply with women, listen to me. I can walk the walk and have a forthcoming book to back it up – I have what you want, so it would be smart to listen to what I have to say. I also didn’t have it at one point, so I would be even more apt to ask because I’ve obtained it and know how.

But if you want to learn how to get so rich so that you need to manage three cars and 5 homes – don’t ask me… yet. I have not made an incredibly amount of money (yet), and even though I know many helpful principles, I don’t teach wealth creation directly. I’m not a millionaire (yet), so if you want to be one, don’t ask me because I don’t have what you want. Find a millionaire who really knows how he got there (he can do it AND knows how to teach it). Asking a millionaire who’s inherited all his money might not be the best place to start, but I’m sure he would perfect to ask when you need to learn to manage your millions.

It is likely that most of the people who you were “listening to” early in life didn’t have everything that you want, or else you have likely listened to them and would have it by now. We “learn” both empowering and disempowering beliefs as we grow up, but we can unlearn what’s not working and relearn the right way. This may require you to get new friends or mentors.

Final Note

Finally, remember this is aimed towards more social media and success oriented opinions. Asking the opinions of your friends and others is a great way to learn about them, and makes you not a selfish dick. Having friendly conversations of different tastes and ideas is a wonderful experience, and a great way to connect. Just make sure they’re living a life you’d like to lead before you adopt any of their “life advice”.

Personally, I don’t even ask many people about charged topics like money, diet, politics, or religion. I find these almost never go over well unless you’re on the same page, but given what I previously stated, most people have very disempowering and pessimistic views around these topics. Since I’ve spent years trying to becoming more positive and empowered, listening to people bitch and moan about their victimhood is not appealing. I’d much rather learn about their dreams, aspirations, and musical tastes, getting to them as a person and not for their beliefs.

I’ll leave you with some great quotes, enjoy!

If I would have listened to my customers,
they would have more horses instead of an engine.”
– Henry Ford

“I appreciate your opinion but this dream’s mine.” – Atmosphere



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