I have recently noticed that as I pay more attention and allow myself to be as honest as possible (not always easy), that every time I judge (or feel the urge to) somebody of their looks, place in life, words, beliefs, etc. – I’m always at a place in my life around a similar thing that I’m not myself happy with. This “place in life” could be my finances, relationships, unwanted behaviors, lack of skill, or simply my current mood and outlook on a particular thing at that moment. The aspect I want to judge or make fun of is a part of me that I’m not in resonance with — for if I was, it would be a non‐issue. I wouldn’t even notice.
For example, if I hear somebody singing out of key or poorly, I have an emotional reaction that triggers me to want to judge their singing or think something not so supportive in my head. Why? Because my vocal abilities are not up to my own standards. For if they were, or if I didn’t give two shits about my voice, I wouldn’t have even notice – let alone have some sort of “reaction” to it… but I’m taking vocal lessons, so that subject is “active”.
Take another example: I have a friend who’s kind of cheap. Okay, who cares right? Well, I noticed a reoccurring theme about commenting on it, and realized it wasn’t his cheapness that really bothered me. See, in my journey to become more abundant, there are times when I have to be more cheap than I need to be. (It’s funny, I meant to say “want to be”, but seems my unconscious mind is telling me something, but I digress). So when I see somebody not being abundant as I think they should be (judging already!) and want to judge it, it’s because I’m not able to act as abundant as I would like – hence a discord inside of me.
In both of these examples, my feelings towards the other person actually had nothing to do with the other person — they were simply mirrors of my own unhappiness.
This applies to many areas of life; the concept of perception is projection. This simply means that what we perceive in others, is only a projection of what’s inside of us. The love you see between a mother and child, is the same love that exists inside of you. The same hate expressed in violent crimes you witness, is also the hate that stirs inside of you at some level. It also happens to fit into the Law of Attraction as well, as I don’t experience many hateful or violent people in my life, simply because I have done a lot of work to resolve those aspects inside of myself. The potentials exist, sure, but I see more of the goodness in others because I feel much more goodness in my own self.
Some retort and say the opposite is true, but that places everyone into a state of disempowerment and victimhood, which leaves us pretty much helpless to change our lives. Since I have adopted these ideas and have only seen massive tangible improvements in mine and many client’s lives, I can only see it from a place of taking responsibility for how we see others and feel — because we can’t change anything about anyone else. If your happiness depends on this person not being fat or these people not being at war or this group worshiping that god – you’re going to be pretty miserable, and chances are impose that misery on many others. But if your happiness depends on things you can control — like your own actions, beliefs, and the way you feel no matter who you’re looking at — your chances are exponentially greater of attaining bliss‐on‐demand.
I invite you to take a look at your own life and your own reflection next time you judge somebody. Not place guilt or make you feel bad (and judging yourself now!), but to simply bring awareness to an aspect of yourself that’s gone unloved. This will take the deepest amount of honesty, and yes — vulnerability and self‐love — to admit, and it seems us humans are quite good at tricking ourselves into denial in order to protect us from facing truths that hurt. Really hurt. Your chronic judgments, or downright hatred of others, stems from an aspect of yourself that’s out of alignment with who you really are.
Before we can accept accpects of others – let alone people or cultures as a whole – we must be able to accept that in ourselves. This goes as specific and small as an annoying trait, to as grand and vague as humanity, culture, and existence.
What we wish to seek peace with in the world, we must first come to peace with in ourselves.
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