So you think you know yourself, do you? What about your closest family and friends — they should know you pretty well shouldn’t they? What if I were to say that who you really are, isn’t what other people, or ever yourself, think you are? You’d think I was out of my mind or going completely esoteric on you I’m sure. But what if I told you that who are now, is probably actually less of your true self than yesterday… more crazy right? Now how about if I were to say that for most people in the world, the more things they “learned” in their life, the further they get from their true self.
Well you’d either think I’d gone mad or, hopefully, that there was some logical, enlightening explanation to this madness.
Well there is.
But before that comes, I want you to imagine your dream car, brand new out of the factory. You can see the show room lights glistening off of it’s glossy finish, the tune of the engine idly humming, the feel of it’s perfectly smooth cold metal parts, and even that invigorating classic new car scent. Perfect. It’s in the best shape as it will ever be, new out of the factory just for you.
I want you to imagine 10 years later. The same car, but never washed, oil and fluids checked and changed only a few times during it’s warranty, used cheap gasoline, an interior wafting out intermittent whiffs of what might be classified as an old gym sock happy meal, a rusting chassis, a few random noises coming from seemingly… everywhere, and hell, a few dings and scratches that give it, erhm, “character”.
“But it’s my dream car!” you exclaim, “I’d treat it amazing, I’d never let it get to that condition”. Of course you wouldn’t, just like you have only one dream body that you treat amazing… right?
Now that car? That’s you. While this applies especially well to the physical health aspect (cleanses, detoxing, exercise, good diet, etc), let’s see how it applies to your personality. If you’ve never done deep personal work on yourself, it’s like never washing your car or changing your fluids. You’ve got all this emotional and mental junk that’s accumulated making the car, your mind, run poorly. It may be so bad your indicator lights don’t even work — so you’re not even aware you have an issue.
Now sure, if you’ve used unleaded premium gasoline with all the best fluids and lives in areas with natural rain, etc — your mind might be in pretty good condition. But ask any mechanic of a car that’s 20, 30, 40, 50 years old that’s never been worked on, the chances of it running optimally. You see the F1 race cars get worked on even while they’re racing! We want to be that — running super fuels at optimum performance in both mind and body… not an old rusted hunk of junk that breaks down after hitting a pothole.
It makes sense that we, just like a car, start to slowly accumulate “junk” or have little malfunctions here and there that need to be taken care of. The problem is, most of us don’t know what indicator lights to look at, or take it to a mechanic that wants to prescribe foreign parts to your car that only temporarily mask the problem… and usually come with a plethora of side effects.
Ahem, sound familiar?
So maybe the car has major issues or maybe it doesn’t. Even if not, it’s still going to have some bugs on the windshield, a few dings and scratches here and there, maybe you gotta crank the window a certain way to get it to work — you know, things that give it “character”. Well, we’re like that too.
Over time, almost everything we do we learn from either consciously or subconsciously, and it forms who we are today, whether we realize it or not. Maybe when you were 5 you saw your first ballerina show and stubbed your toe and started crying, and ever since as a grown up, for some reason, hated ballet. Interesting, isn’t it? It can’t be denied that our experiences shape who we are today, and that our personality just magically appeared and changed every 365 days.
So, our true self. How do we get further and further from who we really are everyday, if everyday our experiences are shaping our personality? It may seem like a contradiction I know, but let me explain.
A 50 year old car you could say, would have a lot of personality. It’s been driven 200K miles around the country, seen hundreds of people, all sorts of roads and weather, and has all sorts of charming “quirks”. You could also say, that during that time, it’s accumulated lots of issues that has either been, or not been, dealt with: oil changes, dirt, fluids, air filters, detailings, broken parts, etc. Some might say these things ARE the car: “the car IS a car with a broken tail light” or “the car IS just a dirty car, those scratches and bugs have been on there since I can remember”.
The car’s true self is that of what came out of the assembly line (or, has been modded and upgraded post stock) and not that of which has dirt and malfunctioning parts on it. That dirt isn’t the car even if it’s on it and moving with it, just like your limiting beliefs, behaviors, negative emotions, and thoughts aren’t the real you even though that’s what’s being carried around with you.
As we have experiences in life, we form beliefs, either empowering or disempowering. The “I can do this”, or the “I can’t do this” ones. We either feel good emotions such as love and joy, or negative ones as fear and jealousy. While all of these have served you in some way in the past at that point, if left unresolved, they can stick to us like dirt on the car and begin to tarnish our beautiful finishes.
These automatic behaviors, these judgements, these depressing and angry feelings, these disempowering limiting beliefs that we think are “just who we are” and are part of our personality… really aren’t who our real selves are. Are you an angry person… or just somebody who felt angry? Are you an unsuccessful person… or do you just believe you can’t be successful?
It’s my opinion, that any “trait” that’s not positive or empowering, is the result of negative or disempowering learning that came from the mind’s positive intent. It’s also my belief that these things can be resolved through learning new information and/or resolving old internal conflicts — such as with TECM and other self‐empowerment personal development materials.
These things don’t define us, and thus, aren’t part of the real us. Your true self is the you when all your negative emotions are resolved, your beliefs are empowering, and you act with unlimited potential. That’s the personality that’s the real you, that’s not hindered from those things and can shine through.
For example: you deep down love singing, but are shy (just a person with shyness), and when asked to go to karaoke you politely decline.
Is your true self just a shy person who wishes they should sing? Or is your true self one that loves to sing and make friends, but has an unresolved emotion or limiting belief preventing that from being seen?
This isn’t about changing one’s personality to become perfect and docile in some guru’s mold — it’s about removing all the crap that’s preventing the real desires of a person from freely expressing themselves. After decades of life experience, we don’t really need to learn more to heal — we need to unlearn. Pay attention to your everyday traits and behaviors and ask yourself is this is who you really are, or if it’s an unwanted onion peel waiting to be stripped away.
This article was an inspired exerpt from my upcoming book: Total Emotional Congruency.
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